Painful Secrets
by Sakuya Tsuki
Summary: What if you finally noticed you are trapped,alone,and afraid?Your naked heart wanders aimlessly into an abyss of despair.With no where to go,your heart begins to set sharp thorns around,for fear of being touched.Hello,I'm Rin Iida,and I'm a cutter.SxR
1. Prologue

**Painful Secrets**

_**Summary: **What if you finally noticed you are trapped, alone, and afraid? Your naked heart wanders aimlessly into an abyss of despair; with no where to go, your heart begins to set sharp thorns around, for fear of being touched. Hello, I'm Rin Iida, and I'm a cutter. Sesshomaru Matsushita one day finds himself lost, and I guess, I am lost as well. So maybe in this age full of wingless angels... Go ahead and take my hand. Even if you have no wings left, even if I had only one wing left, together, together... Sesshomaru and Rin. A/U.

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**.:So Here We are Once Again:.**

I knew from the beginning that nothing could have come out from this, our relationship, but pains and heartaches.

_Tell me babe, how many do I shred my tears?_

Many people had warned me of the dangers, the sins, and the unhappiness I was going to face. But did I listen? No.

_Every heart, Every heart is not a gentle yet_

Why? That was simply because I was too blinded...

_Shall I do? I can never say my loneliness_

By what? Love... I could never stop myself from loving him.

_Every heart doesn't know so what to say oh what to do_

I was lost. I didn't know where I was going, didn't know if my life mattered. He gave me a reason, a reason to live. He made me feel wanted, needed.

_I was afraid of darkness cause I felt that I was left alone_

So from time to time, I went on believing, believing that he needed me as much as I needed him to live and to die.

_So I prayed for help to the distant million stars_

What could I say, I was simple-minded back then. I was only 10, living in some place by myself, a place such as a mental hospital.

_Round & round the planets revolve around the sun_

I was in a plane accident about two years before I was adopted into Miroku's family. I knew they weren't my family, but I went on pretending, saying things to myself such as if I believed, then it was real, they _were_ my family.

_And we always seek after love and peace forever more_

Miroku and I grew closer as time sneaked upon us, and I met him. He was Inuyasha's brother; Inuyasha and Miroku had become friends when they reached Jr. High. He was a cold, ruthless person. The one that kept things to himself. He seemed to hate everything that was in sight, but I had learned and would never forget.

_Growing growing woe baby we can work it out_

He held me one day, when my heart was, once again, crushed by the humor of life. I found out my boyfriend had been cheating on me with my best friend that day. And to made things more like a drama movie, it was rainning as if I were standing under a rushing waterfall. The rain drenched me, peeling off my skin piece by piece.

_Look up at the sky every heart is shining all today_

From that moment on, I started to depend on him like an elder brother. He declined it, his protectiveness over me, and had acted like he couldn't give a damn about me from time to time. But he was always there, always came running whenever I called. It was always Sesshomaru and Rin. Rin and Sesshomaru.

_Show me now, What kind of smile do I come across_

Then, slowly things began to change; I changed.

_Every heart, Every heart can take a step towards the dreams_

He became something much more than a brother or a friend. I didn't know what he had become to me, so I ignored him, and even went to such length as pretending he wasn't there, wasn't the person whom I had always held so much pride in.

_All of us want to take a lasting happiness_

When I reached the peak of those years, the one that was full of questions, I thought I had become insane, and I searched for comfort and explaination.

_Whenever you feel sad, I wanna hold you & give you a sound sleep_

But no matter where I went, he always seek me out. Always had and never would he let me go.

_Someday every heart's gonna free and easy_

I didn't know, at that time; I smiled, thinking that was a good thing. Thinking that we both had wished for the same thing.

_We have peace of mind_

Then, a year had gone by and he found someone else. Someone whom he could share the feelings that I thought he had for only me.

_Someday all the people find the way to love_

The green monster slowly deformed me; I only saw darkness whenever **she **was around, around him and me. I never knew how jealousy could tear down year upon year of _friendship_, if that was what we had.

_Goes & goes the time goes on we are not alone_

I eventually forgave him. How typical. I could never be mad at him for long. 'I mean, look at him. I dare you to tell me you can be mad at him for more than a day. A couple of hours top.'

_We'll live on together and we will find some precious peace_

Time ventured on, once again, and I found myself accepting **her** being with him.

_Sometime we will smile sometime we will cry somehow_

I was beyond anger, towards the point of hatred --well, hatred was the only thing I ever had for **her**-- when she was the subject to his near-death, car accident.

_Don't forget believing yourself - Tomorrow's never die_

We were truly living in happiness for some months, we became our old selves again, had returned to normal.

_There is the warm heart places on my mind_

And then, **she** came back. He didn't have to bark, I could too understand with only words...

_In my earliest day's there and it's so sweet_

She was going to be his new wife! And I found myself bleeding, more helpless than a new born puppy.

_There are many stars they have talk with me so kind_

I became distant, didn't know how I got there again. I had locked myself in my room and wouldn't speak or eat for days.

_They say yes always time's friend of mine so shine_

He came and I was happy; I spoke to him, only him. We had a few laughs, and I bet he felt pretty proud of himself.

_Round & Round the planets revolve round the sun_

Sometime later, I felt it was time for me to give up on him. Was what I _was_ doing for real or fake? Of course, it was all... just pretending like before.

_And we always week after love and peace forever more_

I fainted, due to my easy-to-go, take-me-anytime-you-want body.

_Growing growing woe baby we can work it out_

I was brought to a hospital and woke up, ironically, on his wedding day.

_Look at the sky every heart is shining all today_

He came to me before they left for his honey moon. My god, why did you bring him to me? How was I supposed to face him in his groom attire and **his wife right by his side**?

_Goes & goes the time goes on we are not alone_

Another insane moment, she passed out, wanting his attention. She was such an actress. I gave her an eleven out of twelve rating.

_We live on together and we will find some precious things_

They left me; his mind didn't have me, like how she had wanted.

_Sometime we well smile sometime we will cry somehow_

I smiled and cried, rejoining with my old self, the one that he had taken me out from not so long ago.

_Don't forget believing yourself - Tomorrow's never die_

By the window where we had first met, he found me again. I could sense he was smiling, smiling his upset smile that he always gave me to hide himself. But he should always understand that I could always feel him and his movements, even if I was now consumed by darkness, darkness and dispair. I returned his smile, this was how it should be... he and me. Sesshomaru and Rin, by the window that projected the never-changing scenery of a never-ending, colorful as ever cherry blossom tree.

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**.:Inuyasha © of Rumiko Takahashi**

**.:Summary speech © Ayumi Hamasaki : Moments & Endless Sorrow**

**.:Every Heart English © BoA**

**.:P. Date: 2.4.06**

**.:Non-edited.**

**A/N:** _This is not a one shot. I don't know. If you hate it, I can leave it as it is. But if you like it, you have to tell me. I understand this story idea seems a lot similar to a story you might have read, but it is only built based upon it. The story line is different; I don't go around stealing people's ideas. If that author/authoress wants me to take it down, I will gladly do so._


	2. Walk With Me

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Painful Secrets

.:Walk With Me:.

Running my temporarily ambulatory hand over the rusty windowsill, I could not help but felt I would soon lose something very precious to me as this moment passed. I was going to leave this place in a matter of seconds. I was going away, and maybe I would never return; I wasn't sure. I didn't want to leave this place, not yet, not when I started to feel like I belonged here.

Funny, wasn't it? How would a person, if I was still considered as one, liked this place? It was cold, solitary; a place where people only acted kindly toward one another because they were supposed to. I could see through them; and they knew I could, but they and I, we were still acting like nothing was solved, nothing was understood. We were still living as we were **supposed** to. But it wasn't just that; nothing had only one side, for there was always another side to everything, another side that wasn't exposed to a person when they were caught up in it.

Since I first came here, I had always dreamt of escaping. I knew it was impossible, for me anyway. I was, at the time, like some useless doll, some useless being who had all her circuits switched off. I became handicap after the accident. My body wouldn't move most of the times; they purposely betrayed me, making me sick of them to the core. I usually threw a silent tantrum, something I had to endure only with myself because my vocal refused to cooperate. My hands and feet wouldn't move, and I was sure if it wasn't for the wheelchair supporting my back, I wouldn't be sitting up. Only my eyes spoke for me. One blink meant yes, and two blinks meant no. When I had an itch, I wanted nothing more than to use anything nearby to help me relief myself; but, as always, I was such a failure that moving my body weight against something, something such as the surface of my metal wheelchair of which I was seated on, was a problem.

The feeling, that feeling felt to me like hell had just come back, dancing before my eyes. No, I couldn't say that, it wasn't true. Hell seemed more attractive, more terrifying. I had seen hell once, felt it once, and was now suffering from the impacts it had left me. My parents... I saw them, and I still could see them each time I closed my eyes. When the plane crashed, my legs were smashed under the crumbled kitchen cabinets. They were bleeding, blood were running from them like the rushing water you'd see after you twisted one of the knobs of the bathroom sink; but I didn't feel any pain. I was numbed, and, I guessed, that was a good thing.

I'd felt his hand, my brother's hands, when he pulled me out. He'd used all his strength --I had felt it-- when he'd thrown me a couple of feet away from the plane. Ironically, that was when my mind had become clear, registering in what was happening. I'd my mom's half chopped off body; the part that I was able to see was laying in her pool of blood with her eyes opened, staring questionably at the sky. And a few feet away was my dad, he was still struggling, trying to reach my mom's already cold, broken up body. He looked at me and smiled, the smile that I had come to love. I saw his lips moving, but I couldn't hear what he was saying. But for all that I had left, I bet everything that those words were: _"I love you, Rin." _

My brother, my eyes frantically had searched for him; landing on him, he had this stupid look on his face. How I had loved and hated that look. He'd given me a thumb up then, winking in both pain and pleasure right before the explosion broke out. There, I was trapped in a protective bubble, the one my family had given me, as I watched with cold blood, feeling the coldness of the blazing fire.

The people, the ones that **helped **people when their services were needed, came way past a little too late. My eyes were barely opened; they were blurred by the gasoline of the dying down fire when I'd seen a human in suit, a human in protection. Drifting away in exhaustion, I'd regained my path back to the livings a few days later. I was in a hospital, they told me. The news people, the nurses, and the doctors were all surrounding me, claiming I was a lucky one.

Soon, they found out, found out my disabilities... Researches showed that somehow I had become mentally ill. My body wouldn't function, my voice had refused to be heard, and the possibility of my regaining a **normal life **was less than twenty percents. A few weeks later, when most people had moved on with whatever they had been doing, I was sent to Crystallized Gems, a place for people like me, people with no identification or relatives.

I laughed everyday, but no one heard me. How could they? They couldn't read minds. How could they not know of whom I was? It was easy, nothing that was that far beyond the light. I was Iida Rin, the one who every girl was always wishing she could be because I was filthy rich. I was on a magazine front page each month for my **cuteness **and** specialty.** I didn't look that bad, did I? I didn't look that far from my original self, did I? Then, maybe I had. I had no way of proving to people that I was **myself. **I was rich, but now I was not. 'I am now just a girl who had been in an accident and had become mentally ill.' How could I be me? How dared I to claim myself as me when the me now had not a penny to her name when the me before had everything?

I remained silent, waiting, waiting in a little corner, hoping a miracle would come to seek me, to bring me back to my home. And that was how I had become one with this windowsill. The little corner I had glued myself to was none other than this very spot, the spot in which the windowsill resided.

Eventually times speeded up without my knowing. It was hard for me to accept, but I guessed it was wrong of me to not accept when a nice lady came by to visit me. First, a day per a month; then, a day per a week, and slowly it shifted to an hour each day. Then, one day, I came to learn the truth. She was adopting me, heard of my tragedy and had been waiting all this time just for the right moment to seize me. How did I know that she had been doing such? I used common senses, the ones that people believed I had lost. It took a few years to adopt someone, but in my case, the fastest they could do this was two years. But I couldn't hate her, ever, for not asking me first if I had wanted to be adopted. In fact, I might like her for that even, she was taking me out of this hell, the hell that I had become real in.

She suggested that I should go say goodbye. To what? I had questioned her through my eyes. Though, she only smiled like she knew exactly what it was that I would surely miss.

I wasn't alone, forgetting that I wasn't alone sometimes was one of those precious things that they, the ones up there, were blessing me with. Many times I had wished, prayed with all I had left, for them to take my sight as well. It wasn't hard, it wouldn't even take that much of their time. I never wanted to see again. What was the point of seeing when I had no one left to see? No one was there for me... I was left, completely alone in a silent awkwardness. So hollow, the feeling disturbed me to no ends, but there was nothing I could do. I was and would always be useless, of no values to anyone.

Glancing slightly upwards, the emptiness in her eyes was starting to portray a new person, a new woman, not the one I had gotten accustom of, was standing before me. She was... I meant, her eyes were in a drifting state, a period, of which I had experienced over and over again.

Was she sad? Was she afraid? Was she angry? Or worst, was she alone?

I mentally shook my head, a self-resurrection I was in habit of using. She couldn't possibly be going through that state; maybe she was looking at the scenery. Through the window's glass was a place that spoke of reality around here. Or maybe I had too much times for myself that my thoughts consumed what my mind was trying to release. And from there my mind started its process from the beginning, a process of which I'd forever be caged within.

A movement from the corner of my left eye; a movement by my company, provoked my curiosity. Her unhappiness was quickly demolished; a foul look, a fake smile she picked out from her rusty pocket... a smile she had used repeatedly. Perhaps it was, too, used toward others and not just only me.

"Let's get going."

I was afraid, afraid of an unknown feeling; a shadowy sentiment was lurking in the darkness, waiting, contemplating for its moment to seize upon me when I wasn't expecting it. They were always so tricky, thinking they were clever and acting with great kindness. It was true that I was only a child, a child who was in need of helps and special attentions; but I wasn't that dumb, not on the level they were believing me to be. It would take more than they could ever imagine, more than they could ever think to be possible to win me over. I was abandoned; nothing was easy to heal when it was wounded, tarnished.

Blurred by the lightness in my head, blurred by the increasing speed I was being handled with, my eyes reached their limits and gave into the two most known colors to mankind --black and white, two simple colors to define.

For a few seconds, after I felt she had come to a stop, I unfortunately regained my vision, returned to the colorful darkness of which I loathed. At this moment, by the attitude the sun was pounding on me, my brain spat its radar reading --it somewhere around two to three in the afternoon.

Gruesome breezes I had missed, had been living without, marched over her body and mine, sculpturing their values and marking their names; summer was coming to an end, at last autumn was starting to breathe.

The coolness of the leather seat in the night colored limousine silently awakened my body. Seated by the left side door, she was sitting across from me. Her eyes became listless once more, and her mind dulled of everything that was occurring in her environment; I couldn't help but let my mind shifted to her.

What was she in concern of? Was her state of mind right now comforting? Did she find it suitable for her, find it comforting to her reluctant nature?

Uncomfortably, her eyes and mine intersected, she must have been feeling the warning within herself that she was being watched. "Is everything all right, Ai?"

Ai was a replacement name, very much like the now me; I had become the replacement of Iida Rin, but no one was informed about the news. Yet Ai was the name that was known by people, fooling them to such a state that would bring them great shock whenever they'd come to the understanding of the truth; or maybe they would not be reasonable enough to accept what the truth _was._

I blinked yes, but she probably couldn't see in the shadows. She smiled, mumbling an apology. And after a few more eerie moments of her waiting for an answer, she apologized again. "Sorry. I haven't gotten use to the habit. You know how I usually ramble. I almost forgot about your illness." she paused, smiling again. "Don't worry, sweetie. I'll make sure --you have my words-- that there will be all the helps there are to cure you. This is insane! No one is sinful enough to carry this heavy burden! Certainly not you!" She quickly gathered herself over to where I sat and hugged me; her head rested upon my right shoulder-- that was something my mother used to do...

My pupils darted toward the windows, consuming in the million traffic lights that were overshadowing the darkness in the busy city and a darkness that had been ignored as people went on.

In the heart of this city, feeling of insecurity began to overwhelm me. The lights, the people, and the noises that they made as we passed by echoed repeatedly inside me, telling me something, screaming something toward me... hoping I would understand what they were trying to explain. Round and round my environment wavered, a strange kind of dizziness, an unknown feeling emerged from its hiding. And there, some missing pieces of my puzzle drew together, enlightened me and brought me toward...a step closer, a step stronger than yesterday. I was on my way toward finding myself.

Forcing my lips to curl up, I recuperated myself, collecting back my being. I glanced toward the back window that was starting to frost up by the gentle rain. Leaving the caged world behind as the city faded away, I was now ready to say goodbye.

My feeling of excitement and anxiousness had subsided as I became captivated with the rhythm of the precipitation. Slowly its beating increased, and slowly I began to become aware of the tranquility I was receiving from myself.

No more regrets, no more turning back. This was the end of my dreams and the start of everything.

'A kindness from stranger to stranger, I will survive.'

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.:Inuyasha © of Rumiko Takahashi

.:Update: 2.11.06

.:Non-edited.

A/N: I know its start is a little too slow, but bare with me. I'm not sure if this chapter has ruined it for your view on the whole story. Please leave a message if you are still interested in this story.

Thank-You

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	3. The Border of Ascending and Descending

**Painful Secrets**

**.:The Border of Ascending and Decending:.**

As we lived on, we learned that the world had more to offer than the usual black and white plainess. The vivid colors of reality were really cruel to me when I'd first seen them. It was a coldness that punctured through my heart like an unrestrained arrow. Looking back from a typical moment of today, the memories still pained me in a mockery endeavor to drive me repeatedly back to _that_ point.

People claimed time to have a power of healing; but, to me, it seemed like there was never that moment when I could declare that this was the percise point when I became cleaned of what happened. Like a shadow for every being, they were glued to me, never letting go completely, as they mercilessly on-slaughtered each molecule that made up my being.

The baby sunlights poured through the thickness of the fragile leaves, who were sheltering me. The brutal, heavy air of chilliness in the morning still screamed its power over my flesh, sending icicles down every fiber of my soul. Gazing downward with hazel thoughts in mind, the image before me was none other than two solid fleshes (my limbs), sitting lifelessly in my lap. They had been able to move about, but most of the time, I'd let them be. I didn't know anymore of what to do. So,what if my chance of recovering was there; the question was: Do I really want to be recovered? What if recovering would lead me toward somewhere that I would not like? Being in this state, things went smoothly for me. In other words: this life is very peaceful. Yet, deep down, I knew I would regret and always ponder of what it'd be like if I had not let this chance slip by. 'Do I want to live in what if for the rest of my time here? I simply... don't know and don't even care... Right now, I just want to leave things as they are.'

'What are there for me to change? --to embrace the brighter future?' Beside the facts that my late family would want it so to be for me, it was also the Hoshis' wish. They had been very kind to me since I had started living with them. Hoshi Miroku had taken me on right under his wing, making me feel like my brother was still alive. Then there was Hoshi Okane; she wanted me to call her mother very much. With so much efforts she had put out for me, it should've been enough for me to overcome this illness for her. But it wasn't enough. All those reasons weren't enough to push me further on with wanting to have what would be best for me. So, what else was there that I needed to come forward with?

_'... I don't know..._

_'...Maybe it will find me soon enough for me to change my mind..._

_'...The times left for my feet to either be functional or useless is closing in..._

_'...Please, let me find a __**real **__reason..._

_'...I want to make the Hoshis, the people who care for me, the people who __**you **__have sent down to guide this lost soul, happy..._

_'...But the risks are too high... _

_'...And I truly am helpless...'_

Eyes bashing the bitterness that lingered ever so lightly above my head, I became aware of myself. One word--I supposed--could be said right now. Perhaps, the person that I had turned out to be wasn't all that _tolerable_ for anything.

Sullenly, I pushed the button to go foward on the wheelchair.

A little ramp up ahead led me into the tall tower made of gray stones. It had two elevators in the middle. They were each glassed on three sides, with a dark ruby, translucent shield to separate the middle; one went up, the other went down...

_**0---0---0**_

_**-0--0--0-**_

_**0---0---0**_

Golden eyes darkened in frustration and anger of his workers' unfinished tasks; the nineteenth-year-old boss was close to breaking all of his well kept controls. He was fresh out of college with a bachelor degree in psychology, and he was planning to finally be on his own without any helps from his family---but things went their own ways without consulting if he would be in approval of. Two days after receiving his diploma, he was given his position right now without any says in which, and there was no chance of escaping. (His father had played dirty, bringing the press into their agrument just to win the battle.)

His family was filthy rich; he was born with a silver spoon. Yeah, that was the way everybody had been looking at him since the beginning of his exsitence. His mother, Tetsusaiga Izayoi, was a famous actress; and his father had inheritaged everything from his ancient acesstors, who were still well known of today as fearsome warlords during the Meiji Era--- and maybe even further back then. It was like his family was one of those people who entertained everyone with every move they made. People would go oooh and ahhh at every single thing; naming them: magnificent, incredible, outstanding, etc. It was more and more like the people were worshiping them still, even after their standard was now even with everyone else in this new founded era.

But all that could be changed... if he had an offer... Yet who'd be daring enough to ask him for help when his father's words were nailed like the many grave stones of the departed war soilders on the ground of Japan?

Sesshomaru let out a small sigh. 'This is going to be a very long day...' he thought before getting up out of his black, spinning armchair.

Workers greeted him, they bowed as he passed, whispering words of good fortunes. Though, that just got him more irritated, so he quickly strode in unlike human speed towards the glassed elevator whose three sides embraced Tokyo on for miles. He told the elevator man to bring him down through gritted teeth. And if the man was in awareness of his anger, he certainly had kept it well.

'All these damned smiles, unusable phrases.' he swore to himself as he caught himself before slamming his fist into the crystal clear glass. For one thing, the emgerengy alarm would go off, and he didn't really have any time to offer an explaination. Secondly, he didn't want to face his father nor talk to his mother of why he was frustrated. Don't get him wrong. He loved his mother, but sometimes, he couldn't stand her or her antics of simply being a woman who supported her husband in everything. Couldn't she choose a side that was known as justice for once? She always blindly walked behind his father, worshiping him like he was some god, not a man.

Pitiful, yes, but this was how the asian cultural was performed. The women usually had no says in whatever was important; once they were married, they had to let the men's ideas stood up for all of their family members. He was so sick of this. No, the asian were not like the american; even when the children had moved out with a family of their own, the elders still had controls over them until the day they passed on.

Maybe it was him who was wrong. This was their tradition, so not in a million years would it be changed. And it certainly would never be changed because he was educated by the new world! That would be insane and an ought right wrong doing. Plus, no one would really have the courage to do so; they were all cowards who were afraid of the consquences. No, not the physical challenges that had cooled his nerves down, it was the mental challenges. He had to consider; everyone had to consider. Was going against their strongly rooted to the ground traditon worth losing a family over? Why be so vain to ruin a happiness that countless lives had fought to achieve just so a little change would be able to be known? No, maybe one day it would be different here in asian countries, but not now; the idea could only be seen as nothing more than a mere thought of the mind.

"Your coffee, Tetsusaiga-sama." The waitress bowed before hurrying herself back to the tasks with some giggles spilling out of her mouth.

Sesshomaru sat in silent, looking out to the street through the thin glass, completely igoring the whispers and stares that were thrown at him. Almost everyone, unless they were new from some foreign countries, knew of him. It was not that hard to know the Tetsusaiga. They simply just stood out of the crowd. Come on; silver hairs, golden gazes, snow colored skins, perfect orange, pinkish lips, and the dead give away birth marks of royalty? You must be a complete idiot to not know of them. (There was also the fact that in every magazine that had ever been published in Japan, none seemed to not have at least a mention of the Tetsusaiga.)

The local café was oddly serene in the buzziling city close around noon; it had become one of Sesshomaru many favored spots during times of pressures and stresses. He oftenly came here to sit and stare outside for about thirty minutes or so before leaving. It was an old habit that he seemed to not be able to get rid of any time soon. Though he didn't really mind it that much. He was not sure if it was the coffee that lured him here or if it was the atmosphere that spoke of somehwhat normalness. Any place to get him off of his situation was fine with him, that was.

_"Poor Hoshi-san," _a lady sat in the booth next to a certain silky silver head spoke; she made sure it was loud enough for him to hear. Hey, it was normal, everybody wanted his attention.

"Why 'poor Hoshi-san'?" Her companion, a woman with short red hair, cooed.

"Well, haven't you heard?"

"No, no. Do tell." She faked an English-British tone.

"Hoshi-san has adopted a daughter recently."

"Why, that is a good thing, dear."

"Hush, let me finish, Mira." she paused, waiting to see if there was any more prostest prior she began. "Hoshi-san just has a too good of a heart! Can you believe she adopted an orphan who is paralyzed! Not only that, the girl can't even speak!" She slamped her hand on the table, indicating her furiousness.

"Why, that is horrible, Kira! The poor dear must have it bad."

Kira sighed. "I know, but they've been trying to work it out. Hoshi-san has grown to love the child as if she were her own flesh and blood. That is lucky for her, I say. I think God finally shows mercy; the girl is able to move half of her body now." She pulled the tea cup to her lips. Gulping down some tea, she set the cup back down on the table. A 'click' followed, and a little silence walked in between them.

"What now? That is a good accomplishment so far."

"Yes, but I'm afraid that is all they are going to get. The doctor said if the girl doesn't fight it now, she will be like that forever."

"Oh, my! That is bad. How come she doesn't fight it now?"

"They don't know." Kira sighed again. "Hoshi-san has been crying on my shoulder all morning long. I suggested a specialist, but Hoshi-san declined. She doesn't want her little girl to feel out of normal."

"My, my. This will not come out good." Tap, tap. Mira's eyes glanced at the ceiling than back at Kira. "What do you say we go to the temple and pray. Maybe Buddha will send them some help. Poor little girl."

"Yes. That is a great idea."

"No, that is all we can do." They both got up and gathered their belongings. "Unless, somehow, a miracle happens."

When he no longer heard them and was certain that they had left, Sesshomaru left as well. No, even though the subject of their conversation was in his mind, Sesshomaru didn't want to interfer himself with more unnecessary obsticle. He had enough to deal with and wasn't even sure if he could manage to topple each and every one of them by the end of this year.

Sure, it did sound like a good topic to get himself out of this, but he had no experience. Who would hire an unexperienced psychologist (and not to forget to include, Tetsusaiga's disapproval of his son doing something else but working for him) to help get their daughter back on track with so little time? It plainly would not be that easy.

It was barely noon when Sesshomaru found himself realizing he was heading toward the Botanical Garden, a little near downtown of Tokyo. He hadn't visit this place for a while, since he last came here with his mother. The place was pretty decent, considering there were only fifteen members working in this vassive garden. The garden stood on an old grave yard that once held many dead soldiers from the war of not so long ago. But their families didn't have enough money to protect their graves; it was just too expensive just to keep them burried here. It was Tokyo late mayor's idea to build a garden here. He claimed something about making the city more beautiful and the spirits would surely descend with the blooming flowers toward the heaven sky.

What a load of craps! The only reason they built it was to attract tourists! People had been complaining that this was a concrete jungle. Building after building, it was just too much to bare. No tourists would want to come here. They went on vacation to relax, they didn't need any more stuffs that reminded them of their homes. And tourists meant money; the more tourists, the more the governments and citizens would gain.

It was not that surprising for anyone who had a logic mind to know that plants were grown best on the cemetary site because of decomposing and such. Though, now, it barely had any room of dirt left. All the paths one could see now was covered in cement; only the place where the plants stood had some soils, a few, but still some.

_**0---0---0**_

_**-0--0--0-**_

_**0---0---0**_

Somewhere in this darkness, the sky still could be so blue like any other day, it seemed. Feeling and needing something that was unknown, unreachable, had become a desperate attempt in the path of finding myself. How long had I been drifting? How much longer would I last?

The sweetness of today and the sourness of yesterday mixed together so well; it hallucinated my strong virtue of balancing the border of dreams and reality.

And for some reason, I smelled the light scent of cherry blossom petals. The gentle hands of wind caressing my face...

_'Where am I?' _

_**'You're here.'**_

_'Where is here?'_

_**'Here is here.'**_

_'Please, don't---' I trembled, my body fell down to the solid ground. For a few seconds, I remained restrainted._

_And a laughter, neither wicked nor kind. A mild laughter among the mist. _

_The ground began to shake; tiny pieces of ground shattered like million fragments of shards from the Shikon no Tama as I felt my body losing its heaviness._

_'Where am I going?----'_

Waking up from dream, I found myself in an awkward position upon my wheelchair. 'Silly, Rin. You're going to fall out if you lean any more further.' My body was folded in half, the upper part covered my knees like a spread out blanket. Ouch... The pain surfaced. I wasn't allowed to reach down, let alone bent myself like one of those ballerinas. Okane would be furious if she saw this!

'No.' I forced myself to move upward. I somehow felt alseep and my body fell weak to gravity. 'Where are my nannies?' They should have been here some hours ago to pick me up...

Spending time here was nice while it was still morning, but when it became this late, people came and ruined the flawless tranquility. Or was it because I was jealous? Jealous that they were able to have voices while I kept silent in the shadow.

Frustrated, I wanted to leave. This place, all of a sudden, made me feel suffocated. I needed air. I...I _had_ to breathe!

_**0---0---0**_

_**-0--0--0-**_

_**0---0---0**_

From the inside of a tower known as Nageku, on the bottom floor, Sesshomaru had been standing there and doing nothing but stared at the empty elevators. The slightly past noon sunlight was glistening through the tower's window, extending its rays toward the elevator that was used to go up. Odd; usually, the light never touched that elevator.

The roses should be in bloom right about this time of the year. And nothing could be more pleasing to look at than the view of fully in bloom violet roses by the end of the garden maze from a greater, higher distance. And for the reason as to why this tower was named Nageku, it would be a shame to let this chance pass.

For the first time, he noticed as he stepped into the glassed box: little butterflies with wide spreaded out wings, looking like they were ready to soar the vassive sky marred the smooth surface of the ruby colored wall. Putting out a hand to feel the scars beneath, he traced them ever so delicately... admiring the perfection.

_**0---0---0**_

_**-0--0--0-**_

_**0---0---0**_

Small imprints of five mighty rose petals whose name carried so much values to mankind were neatly sealed to the bloody wall. They were pretty at first glance, but... their _separated_ petals... I... I hated them. It was not because I hated their beauty, nor was it because I was jealous of them for mostly representing the glory on the surface of this world. They...right now... weren't pretty at all! In fact, they sybolized the hideous thing I had ever seen (next to the departures of my family members).

How could humanity have gone so low?

Yet... who was I to judge?

This world, filled by sins and fault traces of purity, sometimes crytalized all of our wrong doings and marked them anew.

So... what if even after I knew the image beyond the illusion wasn't real...? What then? Would I still go seek after it? In hope for finding a happiness? In hope for my insanity? And, perhaps, my own self, my old, lost and left behind self? What then would have I gathered?

The million pieces of a broken me... Would that then be enough? Enough to make me want to fight for a chance now to become normal? Or at least be able to not depend on others...?

And... I finally woke up and blinked at the truth. They... they were not only defining everything that was bad... They stood for me...!? The image I loathed and had never wanted to be...

Hestitantly and unconciously, I found myself having this irresitable urge to touch it... touch the self portrait I had unknowingly created...

'Ouch.

'It hurts... a lot...

'Please... somebody...?'

Yet, I knew. I was only dreaming of a tomorrow that may never exist. And because it was only a dream... I would survive it, somehow, someway. So, please, to those that cared for me, let me go. It would get better... I promised...

With my eyes heavily shut down, I knew then I should let go, too...

_**0---0---0**_

_**-0--0--0-**_

_**0---0---0**_

_Buttiflies symbolized carefress and happy spirits... But he could be anything but that... Were they carved on this glass to mock him? And the urge of peeling them off... Those wings that were able to take them higher without much in return... He wanted them for himself... Perhaps, one day, he might be able to fly without wings... _

_Perhaps..._

_**0---0---0**_

Butterflies, with wings that embraced the sky, took one soul higher above the ground...

_**-0--0--0-**_

Roses petals that fell from heaven gently swayed among the winds, descending another soul to a place of rest...

_**-0--0--0-**_

For a brief moment...

_**-0--0--0-**_

I felt it...

_**-0--0--0-**_

He felt...

_**-0--0--0-**_

...the feeling of being reached out to... a warm flesh on the other side of the smooth surface...

_**-0--0--0-**_

...strange, yet, somehow, it was comforting...

_**0---0---0**_

The opening of new air brought him out of his trance like state. Was it for real...? He glanced back at the slowly closed doors... determinting the which in that was real and fake.

_**0---0---0**_

_**-0--0--0-**_

_**0---0---0**_

I felt it, but it vanished as quickly as it came. That feeling was... maybe was what I had been searching for all these times... 'I don't know.' My head turned to the closed doors. I suddenly felt the growing urge to find and embrace it...

Once again it came knocking on my door; choose now: to never have something or to at least experience it so there would not be any regrets.

What should I choose? The tightly pressed doors seemed to be my portal between the past and my future... I could come forward and face the danger, or forever hide in the shadow...

_Choose now to reach out and be noticed..._

_Choose now to walk straight in a path that is unknown..._

_Choose now to live... _

_or to die..._

And I chose...

_**sOz**_

**oOoPaInFuLxSeCrEtSoOo**

_**sOz

* * *

**_

Nageku- the Japanese word for _to grieve_, _to lament_.

(Don't worry; you'll get a full explaination in a later chapter. And I'm not Japanese, so whatever sounds stupid or not right--don't blame me! I'm poor enough as it is. The word poor contains both meanings! )

**.:Inuyasha © of Rumiko Takahashi**

**.:Update: 4.30.06**

**.:Non-edited.**

**AN: **Hi, everyone. It's been a long time since my last up dating. But doesn't this chapter worth the wait? I have Sesshomaru in here! He is OOC at the moment... but he has to be in order for the story to run. Comments/criticisms are welcomed; just don't sue me or flame me because you don't like Rin and Sessh pairing. The texts came right off my brain. I'll edit when it comes close to the end.

**Thank You**

**icygirl2- **

_Actually, most of the up coming chapters are before the prologue, and I guess this is how I'm going to do the pov. First pov is very effective. Umm... I can't really answer your other questions, I don't want to spoil you._

**SoulDreamer-**

**Starrilight-Hotaru-**

_How is this meeting to your liking?_

**mysterious advisor-**

**Punk Rock Miko2-**


	4. Realize

**Painful Secrets**

**.:Realized:.**

And I chose to...

...not finish that sentence...

'It's okay to be immature for a while, isn't it?' What good would it be if to have something meant one would have to lose something in exchange when the new thing I wanted may not be what I truly desired?

Somehow, my thought became extremely small, and the bitter, bitter taste of it remained. 'I'm really an insignificant little person at the moment. Then... does that mean I'm lost again?'

My eyes drifted to a distance as if they were truly in search of that lost part of me.

'_Where are you running to?_

_'You don't know, do you? _

_'The truth is, no matter how far you can manage to travel, you will always be found._

_'We only live for so many years. _

_'Sun rises and sun sets. _

_'The faces on this earth are always changing, so why bothers wasting our preciously limited time?_

_'Pointless. I rather to have done something little than doing something big and worthless. _

_'Yet, sometimes... pointlessly walking straightforward without looking back is the only way to accomplish anything at all in this world. But that is another story.'_

_0--0--0_

_-0--0--0-_

_0--0--0_

Like time was overlapping itself, the image of a long, silver colored hair person turned his back toward the wide window, hastily pursuing that familiar warmth he'd felt. No, feeling that was that strong could have never been just an illusion! As he waited for the doors to reopen, the anxiousness in which he felt wouldn't let him be. It was as if it was heeding him that if he would lose this little chance, something (unknowingly) precious of his would and could never again be returned. When the bright light and cool air touched him, a strong will instantly manipulated his body, guiding him straight toward a path that was foreign. Yet, for some reason, his body trembled a little with each step he took, and his heart was beating louder than normal.

Soon, he came to a complete stop in front of a white cherry tree that was deeply in full bloom. Gently, the wind ruffled the blossomed flowers, making them giggle and melt away in happiness. The fragile petals got lifted by the warm winds again as he silently consumed the peaceful view of the lonely tree and surrounding plants. Why did he come here? There was nothing special about this place at all. Disappointed of himself for carrying such a high expectation, Sesshomaru closed off his eyes for a little rest. Perhaps some angry spirit was toying with him? But the small thought soon came to an end when the wind once again brought the petals carefully up to the sky, making them brush against his skin in a gentle caress.

_'Ne, if you look hard enough, surely, you'd find something significant among common things.' "_Someone" whispered softly by his ear, and the phrase seemed to have gone past the barrier of his flesh and into the depth of his soul. Instantly, his eyes broke through the heaviness of hindrance, and he began to look once more for that momentous something. But little did he know that God had a way of picking on people, because when he wanted to move, he realized that one of his leg had fallen asleep. He would just have to wait a just little longer on his side of the tree.

0--0--0

-0--0--0-

0--0--0

"Gather around children." A mellow voice nearby woke me up from what seemed to be an extremely long, long stagnation.

My head shifted a little bit toward the direction the voice was coming from. With my blurred eyesight from being under the direct sun's rays for too long, I could still make out the distinct shapes of people... Coming a little closer (but not enough to invade their personal spaces) to where they settled under a fully bloomed cherry blossom tree, there was an old nun and surrounded her were seven little girls with eager faces. Why was I drawn so deeply toward the common scene, toward them? Even I had no answer. Perhaps it was because of the ordinariness they harbored lured me in, because when something was so normal and was viewed deep enough its unique character would surface...

"Pleweaze Teachwer, me wanna hear a storwee!" beamed one of the girls, with the untainted smile of forgive and forget.

The nun smiled, even her eyes were smiling. "All right. Shall we hear the story about that tower over there?" She pointed past me, and all the dark small eyes that were filled with excitement and wonder followed her index finger to the distance. In an instance, as if she suddenly spotted something amusing, her pointing hand turned into the movements of drawing me closer. "Won't you come closer and hear the story, Miss?"

I... unable to respond--no, not knowing exactly how to respond to the invitation--remained where I was with indifference, but, really, inside my viens were flooded with a warm, warm rush.

"Ah, Teachwer!" Three girls bellowed; an idea caught up to them. "We get Sista here!"

"Yeah! Leave to us!"

Before I knew it, I was given a push toward the place where laughter lived. "Sista here too. Now tell storwee!"

"Yeah! Tell storwee now!"

The nun nodded her head but waited until they were all seated comfortably before she began.

"As I was saying, the tale of the tower." Funny, I never heard there was a story about it before. The nun was about my nannies' ages too, so why hadn't I been informed during those other times we were here? But then again those two just gossiped about people they saw on magazines, tuning out the what seemed to have been centuries ago tales to fit with today's society. Beings like them who moved on without the least bit of worries that they were losing something far more important than anything else at a certain period of their lives... A small stir of wind came about, and one of the petals fell into my lap... Then just like that I realized that I was just like them, was just one of them before I was reduced to nothing... I... felt small and became unbearable. However, before I could venture on more about my feelings, the nun's voice picked up to a stern level, as if she knew I was having problem, as if she knew I had just been woken up by the common simplicity. "Before there was Tokyo, there was Edo. And just like that fact, before there was this garden, there was a Lady Rin, wife of the Western Demon Lord Sesshomaru."

"Dewon Lawd Sess-sho-mah-ru?" the girl with short brown hair and blue eyes interrupted.

"Whatta weird name!" added another, but she had red hair and green eyes. They all laughed or giggled, agreeing with her amazing discovery.

"But whatta Dewon Lawd?" the same brown haired girl asked.

"Demon Lords are Lords of both the humans and the demons back then." the nun explained, not wanting to go on further than necessary.

"So Ladee Rin is demon too?"

"No," The nun caught a hold of my eyes before she finished her answer. "Lady Rin is a human like us." And she kicked in a teasing smile as if this tale and I were linked.

"Ladee Rin is no afraid of Demon?"

The nun confidently said, "Of course not, child. She is in love with him who kindly saved her from Death."

"Dewon Lawd iz kind!" And like magic the little bias they somehow obtained was dissolved as if it had never existed.

'So then, does it mean that this tale too will one day be forgotten, will one day be wiped out of their minds?' I understood that such a thing would happen, but then why couldn't I stop feeling a little pain when it concerned this topic? It was like everything else too... wasn't it? Was it because the Lady Rin and I shared the same name so it became easier for me to relate, to be falsely led to believe I was her and she was me... That would be indefinitely impossible. We just shared a name, nothing more, nothing less--and so I began again to misguide myself without caring at all what would become of tomorrow as I listened to the sad, sad tale.

How was it that I knew then the tale was sad? It was because demons continued to live on, while the humans could only live within one hundred years.

'When Lady Rin died, Lord Sesshomaru must have been really sad.' However, it shouldn't have been long until Lord Sesshomaru chose one of the two paths: one, death and two, take another mate and live on, forgetting all about Lady Rin who lived alone, waited alone, and died alone; and in her grave, she'd still continue to be alone, starting the process of living in hell alone and waiting in the hell river alone. Sad, wasn't it? But that was their fairy story, one without the magical ending where love could be found.

The wind returned to replace the environment without sounds. And soon, followed, the soft cries of the little girls who wished to hear a happy fairy tale. The nun's eyes were hazed, cast to the side so they wouldn't view the sorrow in place of the laughter. "Even if you're in love and knows you will never make it out without losing a piece of yourself, it's still a wonderful thing: to love and be loved." The nun's voice held so much force in them that it seemed objection was badly defeated. But still, to me and all these girls here who had never fallen in love: we were most definitely certain that she was wrong!

"How sure are ya? Kuz things are sad, wondapull can't be with!" A girl with white hair directed her tearful eyes at the nun, whose eyes were now staring straight at everyone of us, without hesitation.

"Silly child," she paused, trying to recall something. Then, in a slow, mourful tone, she read:

_"We part again at the break of dawn._

_My dreams become distant apparitions._

_I am lifted up by the warm wind I sense, every time you hold me chasing after you in the bright light._

_"Spring is coming and the flowers start to bloom._

_The summer comes to Edo, and the grasses are dotted with fireflies. _

_The cool autumn breezes brush past and awaken locked away memories._

_Then winter passes by as I start counting the days and months again._

_"The summer from the past still remain undisrupted._

_The blue sky of yesterday, _

_I can still see from a distance,_

_Picking flowers and ranting by your side. _

_Old, well-kept emotions arise and my eyes swell up._

_From sun rise to sun down, this is where I waited._

_Someday I will realize that he won't ever come back._

_I understand when _

_These tears woke me up,_

_Every time when I look for you._

_Awaken now in my memories,_

_I shall start walking toward where you are._

_"We part again at the break of dawn_

_My dreams becoming distant apparitions_

_I am lifted up by the warm wind I sense, every time you hold me chasing after you in the bright light._

_"Spring is coming and the flowers start to bloom._

_The summer comes to Edo, and the grasses are dotted with fireflies. _

_The cool autumn breezes brush past and awaken locked away memories._

_Then winter passes by as I start counting the days and months again._

_"I still want to be cuddled in your arms under this sky._

_Your scent of a soldier is my keepsake._

_If there is a road between this world and the next, I'm ready to go. _

_I can't keep myself from crying._

_"The waves is unsettling,_

_Shattering serenity._

_I go forward without hesitating._

_The lantern boats light my path_

_To you and your kindness, wait for me_

_Now destroying the peacefulness_

_I go forward without hesitation._

_The lantern boat guided me_

_To you and your kindness, wait for me. _

_"Spring is coming and the flowers start to bloom._

_The summer comes to Edo, and the grasses are dotted with fireflies. _

_The cool autumn breezes brush past and awaken locked away memories._

_Then winter passes by as I start counting the days and months again._

_"We part again at the break of dawn_

_My dreams are becoming distant apparitions_

_I am lifted up by the warm wind I sense, every time you hold me chasing after you in the bright light."_

"That song was sung every day by Lady Rin. So you see, even if they can never meet again, at least the memories are still there, inside her heart, the heart that was taken with her to the afterlife."

"Kwool! Me neva knew hearts are kwool like that!" a child's voice pulled me back from the place I ran off to, to the place where Lady Rin chased after Lord Sesshomaru in the bright light.

"Ah! Derez a Bro-bro behind tree!" another girl's exclaimed, pulling my once averted eyes toward... her direction, her place where the bright light broke through the layers of leaves and flowers. At first, there was only her holding on to another person's hand, but before long, someone came crawling over one of the roots that grew above ground.

Long silky white hair that became silver in the light pooled around his shoulders, drifting toward the dirt, and bangs that parted in the middle of his face covered his face so that only his tall nose bridge was visible, due to his gaze focusing on the ground. All the young girls encircled him, questioning, blocking him from my view. Yet I wasn't really minding it that much, because what good was him to me? Truthfully, really... I wished he would just disappear... His presence disrupted my tranquility, gave me this unstable feeling, and very, very much unwanted, unneeded!

"One of my leg fell asleep." was his simple answer. His voice was velvety, and at the same time very sharp and clean... 'Please leave.' I wanted him to know... for some reason. The girls, concerned, asked him many questions, but he only answered some.

Too absorbed by the scene, I didn't notice there was still one child who seemed to be the lone wolf of the pack remained where she had been all along, and by my side, I was startled when she pulled my sleeve to offer me her extra crown of flowers, with a shy smile. As if she understood I couldn't respond normally, she just placed the crown in my hands and ran toward her teacher.

The crown of flowers full of hopes from a little girl, who made it out of flowers that were grown here in this garden full of hopes from Lady Rin. This must surely be what they labeled as "kindness"! An extremely dear and warm kind of feeling, better than a hug or a simple kiss. This... this feeling, too, one day could become happiness? If so, maybe I should share it, shouldn't hog everything good to myself. It would be selfishness and... become ugliness. Blinking at realization, a tear slipped out of my left eye. It was time for me to leave this self pitying blackness that was painted with a white color to fool myself that where I had been all up until now was all right. More than that though, I wanted to convey my feelings to everyone, so everyone could understand and hopefully forgive the me who hadn't been strong enough to admit her mistakes, her weakness. And more, more than that, I wanted to come forward and tell that guy over there what I had thought of his presence and repent for such a terrible thing. 'I was not all alone like I had thought before now, and he... his presence was shunned immediately by the depth of that soul of mine who was afraid, wasn't ready to move on, to accept.' Perhaps I should keep that all to myself; perhaps I should start off with a clean and simple beginning by coming to accept the fact that I wished to become his friend.

A nearby clock struck the hour mark and the bell started to ring. "It's that late already!" the nun hastily told the children to line up in a straight line and say their goodbyes. Under a minute, there were just me and the person whom I wanted to be friend with. For the first time, I was given a clear view of his face. So many markings. It must have hurt a lot to have them. However, what struck me the most was those seemingly distant golden eyes.

We stared at each other for a few minutes, but probably it was because I was still a child that his guarded appearance softened, and he smirked. "I won't be able to move for a while, my other foot fell asleep after this one recovered. Why don't you come here and let me place that crown on your head." He wasn't asking; he was commanding me, as if he understood too well that his words were absolute, like a lord's.

Coming toward him as far as the ground allowed me, I watched without blinking as he closed the rest of the distance in his almost-crippled-like way. He carefully reached out for the crown in my hands--no, it wasn't because he was afraid, but he was doing it for my sake, to see if I was welcoming or not. He tried to take it away, but my hands were tightly gripping it, and he looked up into my shocked eyes. That wasn't what I wanted at all, but how could I make him understand now?

"You don't want me to put it on your head?" He pulled every one of those words out as he kept lock with my gaze. I blinked. "But you came near me anyway. What do you want?"

A mouth that was deprived of sound, was it really possible for him to understand me with just feelings? But he must have already known about my disability! If he didn't, then surely the conversation couldn't have lasted this long. But then why was he asking me that question? Surely he didn't do it to be cruel. "You're not shy, just can't talk." 'He understands!' My thoughts became filled with relief.

His eyes departed from mine, and for a few seconds I thought that was the end of it all, but he surprised me; he grabbed my wrists, with all his attention glued to where we were linked, he lifted them up slowly. "I'm going to help you find your way." His eyes came back to face mine. Right now, for some unknown reason, I felt really, really safe and relax. Perhaps it was because of what he said about helping me find my way. Although I understood clearly what he meant, I couldn't help but wish his words had another meaning, the meaning I yearned for.

Like an artist trying to draw out what he envisioned, he tried and tried again with a great gentleness as he guided our hands to exactly where I desired. His eyes held amusement as he asked me with his gaze if I was certain that that was where I wanted to place the crown. What should I do? I didn't want him to figure out me so easily, but my hands and fingers were still really weak; thus, when the wind picked up, they gave and it landed perfectly on top of his head. The expression on my face must have been really priceless, because it made him smile a little when my eyes reflected his image that made me become like that. The petals happily danced around us, keeping up with the beats of the wind. For what seemed to be a really long time, we didn't talk at all, but the lighted atmosphere that surrounded us was better than any words.

I might have been just a little mad at him for interrupting the gentle silence we had come to rest at before I realized he wanted us to look the same. "Aren't you a pretty little thing." he stated after plucking one of the flowers from the crown and tucked it behind my left ear so it would stick out and looked like a hair accessory. But to such far, far away encounter with happiness, I was dumbfounded and speechless. I hoped he wouldn't take my blankness as an insult. "Relax," he said and gently patted my head. "Hey, to stop you from continuing to be this way, should I treat you to ice-cream?" he asked, but he didn't wait for my answer at all. It was like he was having a one sided conversation and tried to pass it off as his and mine. He... he probably just wanted ice-cream!

I maybe pouting at this moment, or so he told me. "You're lucky you're a girl. If you're a boy, it'll be ridiculous, that pouting antic of a spoiled child." He turned my chair around. "My leg is wearing off, but..." he trailed off, as if there was something embarrassing he really wished not to share. "Can you keep a secret, just between you and me?" Of course he didn't really want or need my answer because he continued on. "I will have to use your chair as support." It came out no louder than a whipser. Haha. Even a cool guy like him had something to hide. But I felt his weight on my chair after a few seconds, so he wasn't trying to be cute after all.

With the wind blowing, he pushed me out of the shade and into the light, and then a really strange thought came across my mind: 'With the both of us depending on each other like this, with both of us having some weakness and some hidden strengths, does it make us more closer now, since we rely on each other to move forward? Like two angels who each lost a wing, they can't fly alone, so they come together, so they can try with all their strength to ascend towards Heaven.' Even so, this was really just a temporarily weakness he bore. For me, however, it would take a really, really long time, time that he wouldn't be there for. The thought upset me a lot, but I understood that I was asking way too much of this person I only just met. He didn't owe me anything, and yet I was thinking all these bizarre things we--as in me and him--would go through and became sullen when I realized such things about me were completely irrelevant to him.

We reached the ice-cream stand and he held my right hand, guiding it once again with a great gentleness. I got a chocolate cone and he got the vanilla one. He handed them to me, and he pushed us to a bench in the shade. When we ate our ice-cream, the peace we experienced before came back, and my mood was lifted. Somehow, somewhere along the slowness I tried to finish my cone (his was already long gone), I became aware that he was too careless! He and I didn't even know each other that well and here we were eating sweets as if we had been friends since long ago. That would be added to his point of weakness, but that would only make it one down point against his other up points. For examples: he bore a pretty face, had nice clothing, had money, spoke with in an educated tone, and was kind... But his down point could be the downfall of him. No, wait, put kind to bad list. Hah! Now I couldn't possibly let him go even if my wishing to repent my crime vanished. If I did and he ran into some bad people, it would be really mean of me. 'No, Rin must not be mean to him who gave ice-cream to Rin! Ehh? This isn't good at all.' He was beginning to question me with his eyes, probably thinking I had gone nut. At moments like this, I really wanted to let him hear me say something, anything to stop his penetrating gaze.

"Hoshi-sama!" What broke me apart from his evil eyes was the voice I unfortunately became too familiar with. It was Yumida Mira and accompanying her should be her cousin Kira, my nannies. They were behind me in a few moments, and I heard a faint gasp from one of them. "Excuse us, but Hoshi-sama must take leave of your company now, sir." They must have bowed to him. He approved of it with a nod, and I couldn't believe that our time together could be shortened just like that.

My eyes tried to speak to him, to make him understand what exactly it was that I wanted. He gave a quick smirk before he reached out his hand to shake mine. "Please to meet you, Hoshi Rin. I'm Tetsusaiga Sesshomaru." That was so like him, assuming and understanding but pretended not to... Mou! I pouted, and he, stood, leaned down to my eyes level and came to whisper to my left ear a sweet, sweet promise. "Next Spring, we'll meet by _our _cherry blossom tree." He pulled back so his face and mine could meet and winked at me as his hand softly stroke my hair. "Thanks for today." Then, just with that, he brushed past me, taking along with him the scent of the cherry blossom, as well as the feeling I liked, the feeling that was sweeter than cherry.

At that time, I really, truthfully, I was desperately wishing, wanting him to know: _'I will hurry up and _grow up_ so I can stand right next to you.'_

_**sOz**_

**oOoPaInFuLxSeCrEtSoOo**

_**sOz**_

* * *

**.:Inuyasha © Rumiko Takahashi**

**.:Song of the Seasons (altered) © Samurai Shampoo**

**.:Update: 7.24.08**

**.:Non-edited.**

**AN:**_ I'm deeply sorry, everyone. Even though for the past two years I have experienced feelings that were deep enough to make me to write this, but I just couldn't continue. There were many, many drafts to this chapters, but their endings are all sad and just not the right feel for this story. Right now, I sense that it'll be all right for me to continue. Please continue to support this story. _

**-Many Thanks To-**

_**broken-wings-fallen-angel**_

_**icygirl2**_

_**mysterious advisor**_

_**animegirl009**_

_**Punk Rock Miko2**_

_**x Hearts**_

_**Lovegoddess567**_

_**Krazi3-AnimeLover**_

_**Sesshy Rin 4ever**_


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